Help! My dad

Dear Clover,5 years ago

Hi I'm 15 and there's a lot of problems with me and my dad and my familiy.
Basically my mom and dad split up and they basically hate each other, I live with my mom and my dad refuses to give my mom any money for us so we can afford things other kids have.
He used to have me and my brother on a Sunday but sometime after my 14th birthday he refused to give my mom the money she needed to pay for things like uniforms and food for us.

My dad remarried and his wife gets him to buy lots of wine and beer, but he is telling the government he doesn't work and is getting 'Dole' money but he DOES work, he does lots of work and is always buying different cars, he has lots of stuff and wears designer clothes. I mean he won't even give me a pound to sponsor me for a fun run I did ! How can I tell the government he does work.

I know that sounds horrible but my dad hates me and calls me names, puts down any life goals, always punches me in the arm or leg or squeezes my knee! He calls my life goal stupid and I'm very scared of him but I have to let him call me names and stuff because if I didn't he would turn on my brother and he is much more sensitive then me.

I just want him out of my life and I want him to suffer like he made me my whole life!
So how do I get him in trouble?
I know he works when he claims benefits, I know he is going to drive a car which has no tact and I know a bunch of other stuff he's done wrong!

... Please help me


Family Matters » Fatherhood, Divorce

2 answers

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Dear Scarlett,5 years ago

Sounds to me like a battle your mom should be fighting and not you Scarlett. It's always very difficult before, during and after divorce, but the financial details should be worked out by your seperated parents and by no means should have nothing to do with it.

It's also hard to be stuck in the middle of a situation without taking sides, but it seems you have taken a side and I think it has a lot to do with all of the statements made about your dad. Try not to listen to anyone; even your mom, when they talk about your dad. It's unfair that he is not there to defend himself and remember there are always two sides to every story. Let him give you a chance to provide his. The way he treats you could be a mirror of how you have been treating him, you need to have a daughter-father conversation and make peace with yourself and your dad. You'll have a much better relationship and life if you are able to put the past away and start fresh with a whole new attitude. The best of luck to you, and please come back to give us updates.


1 vote by starfish

Dear Scarlett,5 years ago

As Aunt Lucy says, you might want to try to be more understanding with your dad and try to consider things from his point of view. However if that doesn't work out, just be confident in yourself and maintain a strong relationship with your brother. In just a few more years you'll be old enough to choose to put him out of your life so just be patient. Try not to spend your time and energy in ways to get revenge or make him suffer. Any pleasure you get will be fleeting and it will be worse for your own psyche in the long run.


1 vote by Aunt_Lucy