Dictator Husband

Dear Clover,103 years ago

I have been married for 9 years now. I have not worked a steady job for 5 of those years. My husband likes to dictate to me what I purchase. It bothers me because he does not necessarily listen to me when I tell him about his purchases. If I am spending the money I earn, what is the big deal? Should I buy what I want to anyway?

Irritated Wife

Sign up or Sign in to add your own answer.

Advice

Dear Irritated Wife,103 years ago

That's one huge questions with such a little amount of information to base an answer on. It all hinges on the financial arrangements you made with your husband before you got married. Did you plan on not working full time, did that factor play a role in your long term goals, what do you each contribute to the household, and did you agree upon any of it?

What you're purchasing is a big question mark too. Are you talking about a new car, make up, clothing, stove, manicure, and would your purchases be considered frivolous? Since you haven't worked steady for five years, and stated you are spending the money you earn, how can that be? Did you squirrel away every dime you made into a different account and now consider it all yours? Is he the only one contributing to IRA's or do you two have a plan for retirement?

With so many variables, the only advice I can offer to you, is to talk directly to your husband regarding what you feel is unfair. Stop playing tit for tat about who spent how much on what before that becomes a way of life for everything in your marriage. Work out some kind of compromise that will make both of you happy and start enjoying your life.

Aunt_Lucy

Dear Irritated Wife,103 years ago

You need to have a frank discussion with your husband about setting some rules when it comes to spending and saving. He may feel that it's ok for him to spend more if he is working but maybe you are cooking and providing for him in other ways. He also may be concerned about saving more and resents when he sees you spending on things he doesn't think is necessary. One possibility is to set a bit aside some money for both of you per month that could be used as you each wish, with everything else being discussed upon together before purchasing.

starfish